There are big things happening! I don’t post much about my personal life but I have two pieces of very exciting news that I want to share with you all.
I found out about three weeks ago that I got into the University of Washington. The anxiety about school starting was INTENSE. It was a very PTSD-like reaction. The past three times I have been in school have been disastrous. I was very very sick and had no business being in college. Thinking about going back to school immediately brought on an overwhelming and very physical stress reaction – I literally spent several days feeling like I couldn’t breathe and was going to throw up. NOT AWESOME.
But! Classes started on Monday and I have survived my first week and I feel…calm. I dealt with all the minor (and not so minor) hiccups involved in picking classes and finding my way around campus. I took my first quiz and turned in my first written assignment. I ate all my meals with no problems. I only had a little trouble getting dressed in the mornings. Even though I knew intellectually that my experience at school would be different this time around because EVERYTHING is different now but knowing it and believing it are two separate things. I believe it now. And it feels fucking amazing.
The second piece of news is that two weeks ago, three weeks after our five year anniversary, my boyfriend and I got engaged. Nothing demonstrates the awesome power of recovery more than my relationship with J. He has been there for me from very sick to tentative recovery through relapse and out the other side. My ED destroyed our relationship and we broke up for a while but J’s support never wavered. Our relationship now is amazing. It is truly a partnership between equals. We support each other, we can talk about everything, we have so much fun together. And we are both so grateful for our happiness and health because we have seen what life is like without them.