There’s something I want you to know: It is not too late. You are not too broken. There is no point of no return.
I did some pretty “bad” things when I was sick. Gross things. Embarrassing things. Dangerous things. Things that hurt other people. Things that went against my values. Things that I had sworn I would never ever do. And I remember feeling every time my behaviors escalated, that it was one more nail in my coffin, one more strike against me, and that eventually I was going to have done so many “bad” things that I would be a lost cause, that I would have gone too far and there would be no returning to the land of the living. I was sure that there was no way to pick up all the pieces I had shattered into and reassemble them into anything that resembled a real person.
I want you to know that I was wrong. I am here. I am living a real, full, happy life. I was not too broken, too bad, too fucked up. I was not un-fixable. And neither are you. I was pretty far gone and I came back. And you can too. As long as you are alive, recovery is possible.
Likewise, if you are in the beginning of your recovery journey, I want you to know that no matter how hard it is, I promise you, it does not mean that you are not on the right path. Recovery will at times be harder than you can imagine. And you will think that this is not what recovery is supposed to look like. Your illness will tell you that this amount of struggle is not normal, that it means you will fail at recovery and that you might as well just give up now. That is a lie. No amount of struggle is indicative of the fact that you cannot recover.
This is a message for family members and care givers too: your loved one is not beyond help. No matter how many interventions have “failed” in the past. No matter how long they’ve been sick and no matter what their behaviors are, they are not too sick to get better. Your confidence in this fact is a perhaps the most important thing you can give them. Show your loved one that you absolutely believe that they will get better. Lie if you need to. Tell them you have a plan b, c, and d in case plan a doesn’t work. Even if you don’t. Tell them you will never give up. Even if sometimes you want to. Tell them that other people in their situation have recovered. Even if you’re not sure. Please know that you’re loved one needs to believe that you believe this. Even when you don’t. And do not give up on yourself. Nothing that has happened in the past means that you cannot become an active part of your loved one’s recovery. No matter how many times you feel you have failed them, it is not too late to get it right. Be honest. Tell them that you know you got it wrong in the past, that you didn’t understand their illness, that you got bad advice from professionals. Tell them that you know more now and that things are going to be different. Tell them that you are not giving up, that you will never give up.
There is no point of no return.